I lack in updates.

I don't know why I keep forgetting about this site... I miss my old name =[.

xanga - adriasmom
lj - selador

I update there, but I'll still do all of my photos here.

later!

hoor

Sorry to those avid readers of mine (all one of you?). I switched because of baby daddy drama. Oh yes, I have become that person.

1. Jerrod bitches about DIAPER PICTURES on this blog. I'm not taking them down because I do not feel there is nothing inappropriate about my pictures.
   
2. My care source needed renewed. The caseworker messed something up so now I'm waiting to be re approved. Jerrod thinks this is my fault.
3. Because of care source, we had to cancel her ear tube surgery until we get approved. Jerrod is infuriated. She has not had an ear infection in months, and ear tube surgery is not exigent to her health. This is not detrimental, you know?
   
4. Jerrod drops her off and said she's been sick. He told me to take her to the doctor's office. She was fine, I did not feel the need to take her. (Last winter I was always told that she was "sick". I took her to the doctor at least once every two weeks and every time she was FINE. Boy who cried wolf anyone? I have things to do, sorry.)
5. He calls children's services on me. Because I didn't take her to the doctors.
   
6. For the last time, he crossed the line and was verbally and mentally abusive.

For those reasons, I felt that my blog wasn't safe. Then I realized I can change the address so here I am. Right now the thought of him just makes me ill. He keeps telling me he wants to be a family, but then he gets mad at me and CALLS CPS ON ME. I can't go through another one of his fits. I just can't do it anymore. He always told me "we'd just be fine if you'd submit and listen to me". That made me think, that's all I want to do. I'm one of those women who wants a man to wear the pants and be in charge. But I cannot submit to a man who treats me like I'm stupid and crosses every line in the book. I need to feel safe and loved before I'll submit to anyone.

I just got a letter saying the claims of neglect are unsubstantiated and the case against me was dropped. My parents are understandably infuriated. So they have lawyer to take my case, and this dude costs $200 an hour, so I'm going to assume he's good. I'm afraid I'll incur the wrath of Jerrod if I follow the lawyer's advice and that advice happens to piss him off.

happier post to come. I'll finish post picture later.

dani - almost christmas!

adria finally learned a word that's in english! she can say "uh-oh!" as plain as day. I'm loving it. I guess when I was her age all I ever said was "uh-oh". she's my baby <3

I updated her 18 and 19 month photos. check em out!

my mom and I took adria to see santa at the mall. we stopped by baby gap (after trying 3 other stores) and bought her some matching tights and shoes for her dress. the tights are white with gold sparkles and the shoes are gold slippers. when we were walking through the mall we kept getting compliments on how cute she is. in line she kept pointing at santa and jabbering at him and trying to look at all the little babies. there were two tiny, tiny new babies ahead of us, they were SO adorable. then lol it was our turn! adria was not amused with santa, and she wouldn't even let us sit her anywhere near him. so the nice elves pulled out a little reindeer for her to sit on but she was still all hell no about the whole thing so both pictures are of her throwing a shit fit. she's lucky she's cute.

and for those who don't know, my child is absolutely terrified of everything. e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. we're on the porch and a car drives by, she runs up to me and clings to my leg. someone walks past us and smiles at her, she cries. someone comes up and talks to me, she flips out and practically pulls my pants down trying to climb up me. I put her down so I can adjust, she acts like I just threw her to the sharks. it's absolutely ridiculous. but I guess it's another flaw I passed on because I as well am a chicken shit. but she has no issue preforming acrobatic acts that are heart attack worthy for anyone who catches her in the act.

I finally sold all my medium diapers. around fifteen for ninety dollars. all in one sale. thank god! I bought four brand new diapers from abby's lane. the new pink gingham floral, peach, and hot pink large fuzzibunz and a blossom bumGenious v.2. I love them, too bad I got them after linda picked adria up. but they're washed and ready to go. I'm thinking of striping my older larges tomorrow/tonight. I think I'm the 4th owner of these so they're kind of funky. I recently read about stripping diapers in a dishwasher, I think I'll try that one out.

fall quarter ended a week ago, and winter doesn't start until the 7th. I love the beginning of new quarters. I'm taking a math, world civilization, and pop culture. I swear I'm never going to finish school, I'll be taking classes forever. at least it gets me out of the house.

work is still going well. I'm only working 2 days a week, but my manager debbie said something about working on getting me more hours. I guess they like me! I had to close the dining room the other night. that sucked. I closed with this other girl, hazel, and usually it's only one person who closes so I can't imagine how much of a pain in the ass that is. I hope I get to stick to closing bakery.

I keep seeing previews for new bring it on movies. why do they still make those? I mean, the first one was fairly amusing. but I'm a fan of kirsten dunst, and the girl that was in buffy. that was a movie that did NOT need a sequel. I saw maybe a few minutes of the second one and no. just no.

uh. I think I'm done talking.

dani - no longer a stay at home mom.

adria's eighteen month photos have been updated!

I started my job at panera. so far I've done busing, dishes, register, and I've closed the bakery. every night I get sent home with bags full of left overs because a part of my job is to try everything so I can suggest products to customers. I think I've brought home all the pastries, most of the bagels, a few sandwiches and soups, a loaf of honey wheat bread and a loaf of tomato basil bread. I am pleased. my sister and I took the girls there for dinner one night and they were happy babies. adria gobbled the yogurt down like it was cheese. and if you've seen my child eat cheese you'd understand what I mean by that.

adria is scheduled to get her tubes in on december 13th, but this is all depending on if caresource decides to drop me or not. I apparently fail at welfare too. but I think my case worker fails just a little bit harder than I do.

my little girl has been an angle lately, and I can appreciate that. although, if I don't find the ipod she lost we're going to be having some issues.

it's too late to think about the rest of this entry, or even hit the spell check button.

dani - self portraits.

I came across this really cool blog called the self portrait challenge while I was reading jaclyn's site. it looks pretty cool, and for someone who loves her camera, perfect. the only rules are you have to take the picture and you have to be in the picture. this months theme is "What I Wear". one can interpret that however they want.

What I Wear - Week 3. 11.21.07, canon EOS rebel XTI
I wear my hair down, typically unbrushed and in it's natural wavy state. There was once a time when my hair was my obsession. I constantly primped my locks, they were always brightly colored and cleverly cut. If one had told the Dani two years ago that her hair would go untouched by a professional's hand for almost six months, she would of laughed at them. But alas, the last time I did a thing with my hair was in July. It was jet black with chunky hot pink layers. It was cut with thick and deliberate layers. Now it's faded to a dark brown with blonde that is tinted pink. It's grown out and the layers no longer have their funk. I've stopped using shampoo and conditioner and instead opted for the all natural baking soda and apple cider vinegar. I wear my hair with pride and I love it.
I wear Lauren's necklace. I loved it the moment I saw it, I love it just as much today. It is now held together with a twist tie because of a nursing baby that insisted on breaking it off. That might of been one of the dysphoric occurrences my daughter has brought about to date. I remember Lauren and I used to study the jewels and make comments on how much we loved the oval shaped darker blue stone. We loved how it was off centered and not quite in place. We loved the opaque turquoise stone with the translucent shades of blue. I'm still so thankful that she gave me this necklace, it's my favorite thing.

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What I Wear - Week 4 c. 2004, canon rebel GII
We wore fancy jewelry. The first bracelet was a clasp on I found at a garage sale in Circleville when was at the pumpkin show. I fell in love with the ornate designs in the metal. In each segment was a pink, light green, or oral-esque stone. Sadly, I have recently misplaced this bracelet, I miss it very much. The second bracelet if I remember correctly, belonged to Lauren's mother. I don't think I need to explain why we loved this retro intricate piece of jewelry. The second image doesn't quite go along with the self portrait theme, seeing as how it is Lauren's ear featured. But it was a series of images and it does play on the theme of our adventures with jewelry and piercings. I wish she knew how much I missed her, and how much I need her.
These images are polaroid lifts placed on watercolor paper, incase anyone wondered about such matters.

dani - time for a real update.

make sure to check out adria's 18 month pictures!

it's so hard to believe my little baby is 18 months old. that's a year and a half. that's almost two years old. I can't believe how fast it's going.

she's been just as sweet as ever, minus toddler attitude and ear issues. jerrod and I took adria to the ENT doctors and they decided to give her tubes. she's scheduled to go in december 13th. she still isn't talking, but she's very good at pointing out body parts when you ask her too. she knows where her diapers are, her wipes, shoes, her chair and so on. if you ask her if she wants food she'll walk to her high chair. adria will say the first sound of words, so bird, baby, belly, boobs, bath and anything else that starts with a B comes out as "baaah". at least she's getting there. I love her jibberish.

the past few weeks I've been on a cleaning kick. instead of doing nothing more than playing with adria in the morning/afternoon, I've been cleaning. I do the dishes, wipe down the counters, sweep up the kitchen. sometimes I vacuum the living room and mop the kitchen. a few days ago I cleaned the bathroom and actually scrubbed the tile floor. it was gross but it needed it. then, I went through adria's closet and boxes and sorted all of her clothes. they're in bags according to size and season. I'm looking to give them away/sell them for like five dollars a bag. I need to get on buying adria large sized diapers. I have a few, but I mostly have medium fuzzibunz and those a getting a tid bit tight. so selling all those bags maybe I can get her a minky diaper, or those raw silk liners I've been wanting to get her.

but about our rooms! her's is completely cleaned and toddler proofed. then I FINALLY finished my room. I had a giant box filled with trash. I cleaned out underneath my bed and got rid of a lot of stuff I just don't need or use anymore. I'm such a pack rat. my room was swept and wiped down. dusted and sanitized. my bed is made and the only messes are on my desk and on my bookshelf. but that's because I don't have enough shelf space to make it look nice. I'm so proud of myself.

in other news, dani is now a working lady! my dad got me a job at panera bread. tomorrow is my orientation, and my first day of paid work. I know some of the people there, and the manager is so nice. I'm getting started at 8.25 an hour, which is a lot more than I was expecting to get started at. maybe I can get enough saved to where I can afford to move out with liz.

adria's dad and I have started talking about his visitation schedule. I don't even know what to think about this. he says I can stay with him if it comes to it but I just don't know. he's wanting to take my last name completely out of her name, and I know he'll get that because that's how the courts work. I'm so hurt that'd he'd do that to me when he knows how much it means to me. if he actually removes my names entirely from hers I don't think I can have anything to do with him at that point. I want to be friends with him but if he's willing to hit me where it really, really hurts then I don't know where to go from that. he's been telling me how he wants things to change, and he presents these in a way that sounds more like demands. like, he doesn't want my mom to babysit anymore. he wants adria in daycare and he said it in a way like "this is what's going to happen because I say so". he said if I move in with liz he wants adria to live with him and not me. and he said that in the same exact way. he said he's not compromising with the last name at all. I wish we wouldn't clash so much.

dani - oh, how I love the autumn weather.

Today my mom, brother tyler, the one NOT in jail, and I went to the pumpkin show in circleville (as seen on the Colbert Report). What should of been an hour drive ended up taking almost 2 hours because traffic was so backed up. It's never been that bad before.
We get there, and after paying a whopping ten dollars for parking we embarked on our quest for pumpkins goodies. I was mildly disappointed in the jewelry selection, every year I always manage to find an absolutely gorgeous bracelet. Not so much this year =[. This year I noticed a lot of the vendors were selling pumpkin burgers. Intriguing, but I wasn't about to spend five dollars I rightfully ganked from my mom on something that might be gross. So we settled on pumpkin bread, pumpkin taffy, pumpkin walnut fudge, pumpkin ice cream and my mom got a pumpkin pie while I indulged in a pumpkin pie latte.
I think we spent a good two hours browsing the booths and stocking up on sweets to take home before we headed home. We were planning on taking Adria but her dad never got back to me. I guess it's a good thing we didn't take her because she would of been less than amused with the amount of people and not being allowed to run around freely. Hopefully we'll be able to take her to boo at the zoo. Halloween is such an exciting time for me.

Miss Adria is, as previously stated, with her dad. We're in the makings of setting up a doctors appointment for her ears. She isn't getting ear infections nearly as much as she used to but she did just have one and it's better safe than sorry. Her dad also wants to get her speech checked out, see if her ears are what's causing her speech delay. That's one thing I'm not as concerned with, but I am curious to see what another doctor has to say about it. Her pediatrician asked if she was attempting to talk and if we were able to communicate with her. If both answers are yes, then she should be fine. It's not like I've ever had an issue communicating with her, I know what her signs are and what "words" mean what. If I ask her to grab her juice/milk, she'll get her cup. If I ask her to grab me the wipes, she'll go find them and if she can't find those she'll bring me a pack of diapers... so it seems she gets the main idea. If you say "where are your boobs!" she'll point to them or mine (don't ask). The only thing we have an issue with is getting her to point to other body parts, and the whole "lalala I can't hear you" phase she's going through. But other than that I know when she's hungry, what she's hungry for, whether she wants juice or milk, and everything else. But I'd feel really awful if it turned out she did have something wrong with her hearing that's causing her to not develop speech. So yeah, we're getting that looked at too.
The other day she slept in to 10:25 and that made me a very happy momma.

dani - why not use a 4th blog?

this blog was supposed to only be for photos, but my intentions often end up leading to something else entirely, so why not? different blogs for different audiences. this one is public and I don't have a general audience blog yet so here we go!

I guess a good place to start is the reason I made this blog, the light of my life, adria. she's 16 months. I can't believe it's almost been a year and a half since I gave birth to her. it's been a little over two years since I got the positive pregnancy test. where does the time go? now I have a spunky toddler who is constantly testing her boundaries and learning new things all the time. one day she'll be whining for me to pick her up and put her on the couch, and the next thing I know she's climbing up all by herself. her verbal skills are getting better all the time. she really is just the sweetest little girl. I couldn't of asked for better.

I was thinking the other day about what it'd be like to have another kid. and right now I just don't see it. adria really is one of those only child types. she is so possessive and really does not play well with other kids. comparing her to other kids her age, I've come to realize how independent she is. definitely only child material. when I picture the future it's just me and her. on her birthday I call her out of school early and I take her to lunch and a movie. randomly surprise her with trips to the zoo. I want us to be friends, not just mom and daughter. just me and her. I can't wait to get to know her.

anyways. I'm getting tired, and sentences are seeming redundant so here are some random things:

• I'm in school for education
• adria and I live with my parents in suburbia
• jerrod (adria's dad) gets the girl on weekends, not every other weekend
• stop telling me he should only have her every other weekend
• adria will more than likely attend private schools
• I should vacuum
• my kid won't watch tv
• she hates eatting =[
• she's 23 pounds and 28 inches.